I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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