Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
