Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
