i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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