I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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