If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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