i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
