my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
