he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
