We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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