she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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