i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
