Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
