I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We had sex on a dog bed..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
