Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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