Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
