You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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