Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
