I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
