so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
