Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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