Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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