Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
