She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
