Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
