I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
