Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
