I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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