It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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