I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
