She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
