areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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