PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
