Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
