Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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