I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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