I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am one with the molecules
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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