dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
