all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
