Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
