What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
