I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
