you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
