Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
