we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize