capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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