Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
