Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
