remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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