end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
