Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
