can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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