So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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